2nd Script Draft

My Group has been going over our drafts for our scrip which will finalise our thriller idea. We have a first draft, which was good but to make it even better we had to make changes leading to a second draft of the scrip. Overall all we have two drafts of our scrip and we are planning on using the second which is better. 

2nd and Final Script Draft

VOICE MAIL RECORDING 

HUSBAND

Hi...look I don't 

know what to do. I have started

seeing her again and I can't stop it.

EXT.GRAVEYARD.EVENING 

HUSBAND,lays flowers on the grave and walks off with dog sorrowfully.

INT.HOME.EVENING

HUSBAND,arrives home, takes lead off dog and takes coat off. He looks over at his wife watching TV. No interaction.

INT.STAIRWAY.EVENING

HUSBAND.walks slowly upstairs

INT.BEDROOM.EVENING

HUSBAND,in bed sighs and turns lights off.
WIFE. standing over husband with a knife. WIFE stabs HUSBAND.

INT.BEDROOM.DAY

HUSBAND, wakes up shaken. WIFE, stands over HUSBAND in the same position, holding a breakfast tray, smiling.

WIFE

Morning honey.

Did you sleep well?

OH, I forgot the coffee!

WIFE EXITS

HUSBAND, leans over into bedside draw and picks up a card with a phone number on it.

INT.OFFICE.DAY

HUSBAND, holding the card, looks up to see a young attractive girl.

GIRLFRIEND

(Wink)

Give me a call.

GIRLFRIEND, walks away.

INT.HALLWAY.DAY

HUSBAND. Looking in the mirror, sorting out his tie whilst looking nervous. He sees his wife in the mirrors reflection.

Our second script creates more tension rather than out first making sure it was clear to the audience whilst still mainting the Psychological thriller convention of confusion, but not so confusing they would not be able to understand the opening sequence whilst making it suspenseful.

Whilst editing the script we decided on making these minor changes to make it flow better. We didn't want to give lots of details away so keep it intersecting so making minor changes helped improve what we incision for this sequence.